Myth 2: “It’s what the kids want!”  

“We’re really only doing this for them,” is the excuse often used here.“The kids really like it this way, they like to be competitive, and they like to win.” Recognize, however, that these are parents talking, not kids! In my own experience, it’s not unusual for smart, talented, and highly motivated nine-year-old kids to ask at the end of the game, “Did we win?” Within a few minutes after the end of the game, the most important issue is the snack, not the score. Clearly, most kids don’t really care about the competition once it’s over. I believe that this situation is typical for the majority of young athletes, but is my own anecdotal experience consistent with the published literature on the subject?

Aubrey Fine, Ed.D. and Michael Sachs, Ph.D. have written extensively on child psychology and sports. In “The Total Sports Experience for Kids,” they discuss the many ways in which a positive youth sports experience can be of benefit to children and how parents can help their children be successful. One of the elements in making sports a positive experience is understanding what kids actually want. The authors discuss a 1991 survey of 10,000 children, grades 7 - 12, about why they continued to played sports or why they stopped playing sports. The most important reason to play sports, even in this older age group, was to have fun, followed by to improve my skills, and to stay in shape. To win was 10th on the list! Among the reasons for dropping out were I lost interest, I was not having fun, and it took too much time (6). Other reports and research all seem to reach the same conclusion: kids play sports mostly for the enjoyment of the experience. Clearly the idea that the children want competitive environments and want to “win” is not based on any message from the them.

One might be tempted to conclude that Fine and Sachs are simply at one edge of the sports psychology spectrum, and that their views represent a minority opinion. This is not true! Darrell Burnett, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist, father of three, and youth league coach has written about promoting kids’ self esteem through sports. He cites the same study, adding that “over 65 percent of kids participate in sports because they want to be with their friends. Approximately 15 percent are reluctant participants, and only 20 percent are active participants who truly want to improve their skills” (7). Recall that this survey was of kids in grades 7 - 12! Imagine what the results would be for the younger kids.

Finally, there are indeed some young children who seem to crave the competition and the winning, for whatever reason. (One of my children falls into this category.) There are also many children who would crave an entire bag of candy for supper. However, as a parent, I am obligated to look after their welfare, and I don’t believe it’s appropriate to encourage too much of either craving. A little bit is OK, but needs to be balanced with other, more healthy options. Young children rarely see the long-term consequences of their actions and ideas; we need to help them in this area until they are old enough to make informed decisions on their own. Teaching young children that “winning” is important is, in my opinion, like giving them that entire bag of (developmental) candy: short-term pleasure, no long-term value, and the possibility of actual harm if allowed in excess.

In summary then, there appears to be no objective evidence that kids actually want a competitive experience from sports. This idea seems to be something largely created by, and for, parents.

Myth 1: “It’s good for the kids!"
Myth 2: “It’s what the kids want!”
Myth 3: “Everyone Else is Doing It So We Have To!”  
Myth 4: “It’s necessary to separate out the best performers to help them reach their full potential!”
Myth 5: “It doesn’t do them any harm!”

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